Monday, August 29, 2011


Maielle is here for me to hold in my arms!

Yes my miracle is here. I can touch her, cuddle her, and feel her sweet breath on my cheek. In some ways the nightmare of infertility is over. I woke up and all that was, was just a bad dream. And a lot of others view it that way. Granted I am no longer part of the struggle. But, I WILL go through that struggle again. There are future baby plans.

Have I left infertility behind, though, since I have my miracle little girl?

Will I always be known as infertile, will this always be apart of me?

Yes, I am and will be forever changed. At the same time, however, the friends that left me in the dust while infertile now welcome me into their circle of parenthood advice. I now have my golden ticket into their club.

So have I left infertility behind? Yes and no.

So yes, I have left infertility behind…I can look at my little miracle every day in amazement, I am on the other side of the dream, enjoying every second.

But no, I am still there…when my doctor asks what form of birth control we are using…I just laugh and say none! We had to have many surgeries, many procedures, IVF and it wasn't until our third attempt that we got pregnant.

It’s the experience that has changed us. It is our experience that remains with us. And I know that I am different, set apart for having a success story, I also know that I will never be the same!

I’m not sure if it’s me who can’t leave infertility behind, or infertility that cannot leave me? Infertility will forever be intertwined with this family of ours.

It keeps me grateful.
It keeps me trusting.
It keeps me praising.
It keeps me…me!

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

NINE, 2700sqft, Guilty!

We now have a NINE month little girl! She started officially crawling right before nine months. I say she officially started then because a month before she was getting around just not on her hands and knees and moving forward. I have started planning her first birthday and I am very excited to have it in our new house! Maielle has still not been sleeping at night and she seemed to be getting worse. She would wake up and stay awake for 2 hours with us trying everything to get her back to sleep. So last night we decided to let her cry it out! I felt horrible listening to her scream and wanted to run in there and scoop her up and cuddle with her, but I was going to stick it out and see if this would work. She screamed for exactly 30 minutes and then just all of a sudden there was silence! Is she ok? Did she fall asleep? Marcus seemed to be even more worried than I was, so he snuck in there to check on her and she was passed out asleep!!! AND SHE SLEPT ALL NIGHT LONG!!!! So maybe there is something to the Cry It Out Method?!?!??! She also was still her sweet little self this morning when I went in there and she was not mad at me for abandoning her!

We have a contract on a house and hope to close this month! Our house still hasn't sold so if you know anyone please send them our way! We hope to not have to carry two house notes for too long! I am very excited to move into our new house. It is 4 bedrooms, 2 1/2 baths and is 2,700 square we are moving to a house that is more than twice the size of the house we are currently in! That also means we need more furniture. Marcus & I have had fun so far shopping for new stuff!!!

The guy that robbed me while at work...plead GUILY yesterday! So that meant no testifying and no trial! The sentencing will be in September, so that is when we will find out how long he will go to jail for!

We just got back from a vacation with Marcus' family in Canyon Lake and it was a very relaxing vacation. It was hard to come back to work after being off for a whole week. We were worried how Maielle would do in the car for 5 hours but she did great! She slept alot!!! And only got fussy once and it was because she was hungry. I fed her and she fell back asleep! So more trips please, because we have a good traveler! Next month Maielle & I will be flying to Utah...without Marcus...I hope she does well while flying! We will see!