Monday, December 29, 2008
Monday, December 22, 2008
In my quiet time this was the example:
This guy was setting up a store front Christmas window display with a manger scene and it had a note attached to it. The note said "Open package, from God to all mankind". He said that there were two different responses to the window display. One response was they would just walk past not even noticing anything different. The other response was they would walk up to the window and get a closer look at the baby inside. The point of this is we need to stop during all the hustle and bustle and take a closer look at what this holiday is all about. It seems like we get so busy with Christmas that we rush through it without focusing on God during this time. Christmas is not about getting the perfect gift for someone, it is not about having the perfectly decorated house, it is not about anything but my God coming to this Earth to be born as a baby, live a perfect life and die for my sins.
We started Sunday night with one of my family traditions. We baked 3 batches sandtarts and 5 batches of trash with my parents. Oh and I most certainly did not just eat sandtarts and trash for supper. They both are sooooo good and will help put on some weight; cookies are a good fat, aren't they?????? I am sure my RE would love to know that I ate cookies for supper. Monday night was Christmas celebration with my moms side of the family and my grandmothers birthday (she was born on Christmas day). It was a great night with family. I have some issues with that side of the family that I will talk about at a later date. I am working on my outlook on certain things because I know that is the only thing that I can control. I am not going to let a few people mess up my time with my grandparents! I hope this Christmas will be a joyful one, no matter where I am or who I am with because no matter the circumstances I am going through Christmas is not about me, it is about taking a closer look.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
On a side note, what is going on with our generation? There are so many couples battling infertility!!!! It makes me sad when I think of all of you, because I know your pain, your sadness, and your desires! It is hard to go through, but some how we make it through day by day, month by month and year by year.
We have decided to do more blood work to check on a clotting disorder and endometriosis (since this runs in my family). I am going on Monday to give more blood and just pray that everything comes back normal. These are all things that could cause the embryo to not implant. I also have to start taking flax seed oil to help me put on some weight. Then we went through the embryos that we have left and talked about how many we would like to put back in. She totally left this decision up to us, well with in reason, and we decided to put 3 back in. With her 2008 stats their success rate is 43% with putting 3 back in and they did not have any triplets come out of those and only 8 sets of twins. So the stats are not as good as a fresh cycle but you really can't compare your specific problem with their stats because every ones cause of infertility is individual. Unless something new comes up with my blood work, we have hurdled past our cause of infertility; we have 7 beautiful embryos waiting for us!!! If everything works out, we will be starting a FET cycle in January. We are also lucky that this will not cost us too much more money because we went through a financing program that if our first try didn't work we are able to do a FET without any additional cost (except cost of testing and meds). When we decided to go through this program I was hoping that we would not have to use our second chance, but now that we are here I am very happy that we choose to go in that direction. We are saving thousands of dollars!!!! In the end, I think we both left our appointment with some hope and a little more comforted. Thanks again for all your prayers and hugs!
Monday, December 8, 2008
Friday, December 5, 2008
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Funny but kind of gross story:
Last night I had to pack my shot up and bring it with me to church, because Marcus stays after for a little while and I have not been brave enough to try and give it to myself. It is a shot that has to be given in the muscle (upper butt) and I am not sure I am that flexible (just try and picture doing it) all with a 1 & 1/2" needle, all while avoiding blood vessels. So I packed all my supplies (an extra needle in case a blood vessel is hit). The first needle I put on had something on it, so I changed it out with the extra one I had brought. While I was doing this I told Marcus he could not hit a blood vessel because we now don't have any extra needles. Side note, by now he has given me tons of shots and no blood vessels have been hit (great job honey). As soon as he was checking for blood I looked back and saw red!!!!! Oh no he hit a blood vessel!!! We now have to start over and clean everything up and use the first needle. It turned out to be a piece of plastic from the cover that was on the needle so I still felt like it was okay to use (I mean it was all we had). Nurses out there don't let me know if we did anything wrong, because it is done and we can't change it now. Marcus said that I jinxed him by telling him not to hit a blood vessel. Tonight will also be interesting because my mom will have to give me my shot (I guess in the back of the car). Don't worry I packed extra needles for tonight. Hopefully we won't look like we are shooting up in the mall parking lot?????? Oh, the stories we have from going through IVF. You have to laugh about them, it's what keeps everything interesting!
I am not going to post the results on Friday, whatever they are. This will give us time to take it all in and talk with our families. Sorry you will all have to wait a little longer to find out.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Today is my first day back at work! It was weird being off of work for so long. I don't think I have ever missed so much work, even for vacations! I know it sounds weird but it is nice to be back at work. With the Thanksgiving holiday I was able to take it easy for a little longer than the doctor even asked, so that was nice to not have to jump right back into everything just a few days after my transfer. It was nice to have meals cooked for us, dishes washed, clothes clean and put up and so much more (thank you mom and Pam)!!!!! I think I have been spoiled! I still can't lift anything or really do anything other than sit and walk, so I am still a little cautious about what I do. I will let you all know my blood results as soon as I can, please just continue to pray for us.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Thursday, November 20, 2008
This is what I have learned through our infertility:
God is in control and is carrying me through each step, my spirit can’t be broken, Marcus and my love has only grown stronger and closer, I have amazing friends and family, I have to be true to myself and I believe in miracles and the power of prayer.
Whatever the results are I still want to continue to grow in my faith and praise God for this experience. I am truly grateful to be able to go through this very extensive and expensive process. I am in awe when I think of how God has provided for us and has carried us each step of the way.
Okay now to the details. They retrieved 9 eggs from me and they were all mature, which is awesome because most of the time you lose some because they aren’t mature. All 9 were able to be fertilized and have divided right on track. We are scheduled for Saturday morning transfer. We have to be in Webster at 7:45 so that will be a very early morning, but very exciting!!!!! We will be coming home on Monday for a very relaxing week.
The choice of persistence is about setting a goal and reaching it, about coming to roadblock and hurdling over them with God guiding you through it, about continuing the journey in spite of life’s speed bumps.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Friday, November 14, 2008
Thursday, November 13, 2008
For those of you that don't know what OHSS (Ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome) there would be a fluid shift from the intravascular system to the abdomen. She basically said that the body would become dehydrated because the bodily fluids would be filling up in the abdomen.
I know I am going to a great doctor and there was no way that they could have know that I would respond the way I did. Well, I am going tomorrow for more blood work and an ultrasound. I take three injections each night: Gonal-F, Micro-Ovidrel, and Cetrotide. The Gonal-F and Ovidrel are stimulation drugs and the Cetrotide is to prevent me from ovulating. I am on the smallest dose of Gonal-F that I can take and for tonight I am not taking the Ovidrel. They are doing all they can to keep me under control.
2,261 (a number they like to see at the end)
The nurse hasn't talked with my doctor yet but she just called me to make sure I was taking one of my drugs. I am worried that I am moving too fast!!!! I can't get OHSS until I take a certain drug which will be in a few days and this worries me. I don't want to end up in the hospital and have to cancel this cycle because of this. I am now suppose to start keeping a journal of my weight and symptoms each day. I started having some pain around my ovaries last night at church and my belly started to pooch out. I can no longer eat Mexican food (I am addicted to Mexican food) which will prob make Marcus happy. She told me I needed to be eating vegetables, lean meat and drinking lots of water. Please just pray that my body starts cooperating with the drugs and slows down. I will update a little later when I hear from the doctor.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
They are happy that my levels are slowing down and I am suppose to continue on with the same drug routine. The nurse said that there are some people that they only need to check every other day, but I am not one of those people (Lucky me). I am going to be one of those people that need to be closely monitored. Yes, that means I am going in again tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day (have you caught on yet) to have blood work and/or ultrasounds done. But that’s okay with me, I happily give them my arm to bruise up and wait anxiously to here what my levels are. I know to some of you this might sound weird, but I look forward to sticking myself with three needles each night and turn around and get blood taken each morning. This is just what we have to do and all of this brings us one step closer to our little miracle!!!!
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
The nurse just called me with the results from my blood work this morning and my levels have more than doubled (from 433 to over 1,000). I now have to 1/2 both of my injections that I am taking and add on another injection to the mix tonight. That makes it a total of 3 injections per night!!!! The nurse did say that we need to slow down my estradiol levels to give my follicles a chance to catch up. So come on follies, get to growing!!!!! I also have to go in tomorrow for more blood work. After only two days of blood work, my arms already look horrible so I can only imagine what they are going to look like by the end of this week.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Well, the nurse just called with my levels and they are kind of high, so I am decreasing the units in one of my medicines. They also want to see me in the morning to do an ultrasound and more blood work (more bruises). They want to be very careful to not overstimulate me. We want to prevent ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome (OHSS). On a positive note, I am responding well to the medicine!!!! I am curious to see what the ultrasound tomorrow shows. I will keep you all updated!!!!
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Friday, October 31, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
I know there are going to be times when it seems like everything is out of control and I have to keep reminding myself that I am not in control, God is. This is very hard for me and I know this is a major part of me that God is working on. God has revealed so many things to me throughout this journey. At the Coffee House this Sunday Marcus made a statement that if God would show us the entire picture right from the beginning we most likely would not follow that path. If I knew from the beginning what I was going to have to go through these past two years to get to where I am now, I am pretty sure I would have said "no thank you". But He doesn't do this, He gently guides us through each step of our lives comforting us and hopefully we grow and become closer to him along the way.
A praise for today: Marcus went to the doctor today to get his results from the CT Scan and everything came back clear!!!! The tumor has not come back! I know he is relieved to have this past him.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
This is for all the husband's and wife's that are dealing with infertility. This week is National Infertility Awareness Week. I read a quote today "to get through the hardest journey we need to take only one step at a time, but we must keep on stepping!" Here's to one step at a time until we get our little miracle!
Monday, October 20, 2008
I know last week I wanted to start to be able to begin my cycle and now I need Aunt Flo to go away. I have a gyno appointment tomorrow that I have to go to, to again meet a deadline for my Reproductive Endocrinologist. She is very demanding of my body to do certain things at specific times! I started on birth control today and I am hoping that will make me stop by tomorrow afternoon. Hopefully I will be able to get everything done tomorrow to check another thing off my list.
Another blessing along this crazy journey! I have already had to miss a lot of work up to this point and I don't think every employer would put up with all these days off. It's also just the beginning of the cycle. When I get further along in my cycle, there is a possibility that I will have to go to the doctor everyday to get checked out. The blessing is I work for a family business and my dad is my boss! I don't know what I would do if I had any other job???? It seems like Marcus and I both are in the perfect job at the perfect time! This is another example if God guiding us through this journey! I know there will be more blessings along this journey and I just want to continue my Song of Praise and thank God for what he is doing in our life!
Friday, October 17, 2008
Marcus and I are truly thankful and I don't even know where to begin with all the blessings we have experienced along this journey. The meds alone for this treatment usually cost a fortune, but we have been blessed and they are only going to cost us a third of the price. My doctor is also giving us (yes I said givng us, as in free!!) one of the most expensive drugs, because our insurance isn't covering any of our drugs or treatment. The treatment cost, where do I begin????? That alone is a huge blessing, it will not be as hard on us as we initially thought. I am just so thankful for the many blessing along this crazy journey!!!!
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Friday, October 10, 2008
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
I am trying very hard lately to work on my positive outlook and to reduce my stress level because I know that is the best thing for me to do at this point to give us a positive pregnancy result. So if any of you have any suggestion of relaxation techniques I am open to trying whatever will help!!!! I don't feel stressed out but I know deep down I am letting it bother me because I have never had a problem with acne but lately I have had a problem with breakouts and I know it is because of stress. I know I need to get back to yoga but I just can't seem to find the time.
On another note, Marcus is due for his first yearly check up to make sure the tumor that he had hasn't come back. The doctor told us that the type of tumor he had, had a high percentage of coming back. So every year he is going to have to have a CT Scan to check everything out. He has an appointment at the end of the month for all of this. Please just pray for him, because I know this is not easy to go through.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Our infertility plan of action has changed many times. We decided to go forward with the surgery, so when I got back from my hurrication I scheduled the surgery, but then after talking some things over with Dr. L we decided to put off the surgery and go in a different direction. We are going next Wednesday (October 8th) to talk to one of our doctors to talk through this new plan of action and ask some more questions. These have been the hardest decisions we have ever had to make in our life and Marcus and I just want to do what is best in our situation. Please just pray for our peace of mind that we are making the right decisions along this journey.
I have tried to not get down or have bitterness during this time, but some days are just better than others. One day when I was struggling with these emotions my devotional said "whenever you are feeling discouraged make sure you are giving thanks for something in your life and discouragement will leave you." So, when these feelings creep up on me I just remember the many, many blessings God has given me and I know that one day it will be our day to have a child. Until this day comes, God is sculpting Marcus and I to be great parents. This book I am reading describes this time in a couples life as "an emotional leap of faith, a time of truth when a couple is challenged in ways that they might not have imagined possible." I could have never imagined that Marcus and I would be going through these struggles, but some how we have made it through one obstacle at a time with our love for one another growing more and more with each obstacle we face.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Sunday, September 14, 2008
We are trying to find somewhere else to go, because it is very boring here and if we are going to be stuck somewhere for weeks we need to find something to do. We have rooms in Round Rock, so we will probably end up there. My dad, brother-in-law and uncle went back today to clean out refrigerators and check on every one's homes. Poor guys, that is a very dirty job to do. So far no one here has any major damages, which we all are very lucky!!!!
I miss you all so much and hope y'all are all having fun on your Hurrication!!!! Hopefully it won't be long before we are all back together in Mid County. Love you all!!!!!
I will try and update my blog and let you all know where I go next.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Thursday, August 28, 2008
I figured it was time to show off our quirky dog and her "security blanket"!!! We have bought her many different types of toys, but the blanket remains top on her list. She now has a total of three blankets, but the pink one is her favorite. She follows us around the house dragging this blanket behind her. Anytime she gets really excited she runs to find her blanket and will bring it to you to play with.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
I know I have not given out any of the details of our specific situation, because they are very personal to us. I will probably never post details of the surgery or any other procedure that we will have. I started this blog because we need your prayers for comfort, strength, patience, acceptance, endurance and joy. We are truly blessed to have such great families and church friends that have helped us make it through each step of this journey, thanks for your many prayers!
"Each and everyone one of us is going through tough times right now, but God is getting ready to bless you in a way that only He can. Keep the faith." Unknown
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
There are several doctor appointments that we have scheduled and are just waiting until the appointment day comes around. On Monday one of those long and anticipated appointments came around. We went and talked with a new doctor (I will call him Dr. B) in the Clearlake area and at this appointment we were able to get another doctor's point of view on where we stand and what we will have to do. I can say that I was hoping that we would be able to change to Dr. B for our main doctor, but that wasn't the case.
We both really liked him alot and respected his evaluations. It was kind of funny, as soon as he walks in he starts with Nederland jokes, which catches me off guard. Then he finds out that a Port Neches girl married a Nederland guy and even more jokes start. Dr. B was from Port Arthur!!! We went to him because we were strongly encouraged to at least go and talk with this "great" doctor that graduated med school from Harvard and did his residency at Duke, so he came with great credentials. He was very easy to talk to and ask questions, which I have found can be difficult when dealing with specialized "experts". The good news about this appointment was I was able to get some of my questions answered and have a clearer idea on some things that we have been told.
The bad news, because of our rare situation, there will have to be a very laborious and extensive surgery required for us to have a baby. Dr. B doesn't do this surgery and pretty much told us that he could try another surgery but he would just be taking our money from us because it wouldn't work. Wow, he has morals and was very honest with us. There are only a handful of doctors in the Nation that do this surgery. On the bright side, one of the doctors that we have been seeing for months does this surgery (I will call him Dr. L) and is the pioneer at this surgery. The other doctors in the nation that do this surgery were taught by Dr. L. So we are going to the best doctor in the nation for our specific situation!!! I am sure you can imagine how Dr. L acts though....he knows he is the best in the nation and can be very hard to talk to, ask questions and even get an appointment to see him. He is one of the reason why this journey has taken so long.
On next Monday we are going to talk with Dr. L again and get some test results back and more details to the surgery. I don't want to put Dr. L down in any way because I am in awe when I think about the medical advances that he has made in infertility. It is amazing what doctors know these days and I am thankful for this. There is always a possibility that this surgery will not help us in our journey and our next journey will begin with our journey to adopt, but I am not ready to give up hope just yet. I still believe that a miracle can happen.
I get daily devotional email every day and this was part of one of them: "On the surface of your grief, it feels like you're pleading with God, raising your voice in order to get his attention. But he's long been aware of your need. Before your heart has a chance to break, his has already gone out to you. Before your tears have begun their bitter journey, he has wept over you. Though you may not notice him, he's already there. Sitting right beside you. Giving you all you need." This helps me to focus on, God is in control, He knows my every need even before I know there is a need there and He is there comforting me along this journey.
"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Now back to those plans and goals. My personal goal was that I wanted to start a family when I was around 25. Don't ask me why, just sounded like a good age to me????? So shortly before my 25th birthday we decided to start trying for a family. Little did we know that it would be a little more difficult for us. In July 2007 on a Friday we got news that no one ever wants to get. There was a 90% chance that a tumor Marcus had was cancer. 90%, that is the percentage that we were told!!!! We had a trip to the beach planned for that weekend and decided to still go, it would be better to go rather than sit around the house and cry (that is how I handled the news). The hard thing was no one knew about our news just yet, so we had to act like nothing was wrong the entire weekend. After tons of bloodwork and more waiting (a little over a month) he had the surgery to find out if it was cancer. It was BENIGN!!!!! By everything that the doctor was telling us, we were ready to fight cancer. This was a huge blessing, no cancer, no radiation, nothing at all!!!! So now back to what we were doing before this huge detour. As each month went by we realized that this journey might be longer than we expected. After some time went by we decided that we might need to go and talk with a specialist. After many doctors and doctor appointments later we are still in the information gathering stage.
If you can remember early I said that I had my goals and my plans. That was my problem, they were not Gods goals and plans for my life. He knows what is best for my life and having a baby at 25...26... was not in His plans. "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11 I can honestly say that through this journey God has given me a peace that I can not explain. I just want to continue my Song of Praise and thank God for what He is doing in our life along this journey!