Friday, May 29, 2009

Look what I found!!!!

(Make sure you pause the music below so you can tell how loud it is)


Wednesday, May 27, 2009

I will try anything once!!!

Squash Blossoms!!!!!

My friend Jennifer over at LIFE gave me some squash blossoms to try out. I think everyone else was too chicken to try them after I told her they could be eaten. I guess I am known for not being too picky about food and willing to try anything once. I will take this as a compliment!!! So she gave me 5 little blossoms and I was excited to try them out (really, I was really excited)!!! I researched about squash blossoms online since I have never actually eaten one. I found a recipe online that sounded pretty good to me but changed it up a little to suit our taste. Below is the recipe I cooked (sorry there are no measurements).

Squash Blossoms:

They need to be handled gently but still okay if you happen to tear one. To clean them, reach into the well of the flower and pinch out the stem in the middle, then rinse thoroughly, to wash away any bugs and dirt. Drain flowers or pat with a paper towel. Use the blossoms right away or, you can save them in the refrigerator for up to 3 days.

Once clean make cheese stuffing.
I used cream cheese, fresh chives, garlic powder and salt and pepper.
Mix quantities to your taste.
Then carefully stuff the blossoms with a small amount of the filling and twist tops closed.
Break an egg and beat it a bit with a fork.
In another bowl, add some flour and season with salt and pepper.
Dip blossom into egg then flour.
Fry lightly in olive oil until golden.

Enjoy, I know we did!!!!!

(They kind of look like chicken wings, but they are really squash blossoms)
So now everyone go out and pick their squash blossoms and Bon Appetit!!!

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Incurable Optimist

Am I an incurable optimist?
Does happiness spread optimism?
Is optimism contagious?
Are people born being either optimistic or pessimistic?

Just think about the above questions and ponder what your answer would be?

These are all question I have asked myself after watching Michael J. Fox: Adventures of an Incurable Optimist.

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness" this is one of the most famous phrases in the Declaration of Independence. I would assume that most people pursue happiness on a daily bases. Every individual strives for happiness!!!

Can optimism be taught?

Michael J. Fox states “if you can do everything, there is no reason for hope, there is something in the hope, it is even more powerful than realization whatever the hope is for.”

I would say that I am an optimist, or would like to think that I am an optimist. I think most women going through infertility treatments are optimist. Whether they where born optimistic or became one for a short time during infertility, we are all optimist. It is funny how with every month that goes by and every treatment we go through most of us stay optimistic and know that one day we will have a child. And through this we allow ourselves to HOPE and through that hope optimism breeds.

“For everything that has been taken, something with greater value has been given.” Michael J. Fox

I know for a fact that if pregnancy would have come easy for me, then I would not be the person I am today. There is something in the pain and sadness and HOPE that has made me a better person. I am closer to GOD and put all my hope in Him. I am closer to my husband and have a deeper love for him than I could ever have imagined. I am also closer with my friends. I have learned that the above has molded me into a different person, a better person! Am I optimistic…I would like to think that I am an incurable optimist.

Incurable Optimist:
are open to alternative in the face of adversity
they deal with reality head on
their hope flourishes in groups
optimism resonates when people are doing what they love

and that happiness is contagious!!!!

Thursday, May 21, 2009

A girl's night does a girl good!!!

A girl’s night does a girl good!!! Have I mentioned that I have an amazing group of friends???? Well, I do and they always know how to pick me up from a bad day and just the right things to say. Last week we all decided to get together and hang out. After several stops we finally found a place that would be open long enough for us to hang out at. On a side note why does a coffee shop close at 8:30 on a week day???? Anyway we had a great time catching up with each other and had many laughs! A girl’s night does a girl good!!!! All of us are going through many different problems of our own but it is nice to have one night to where you can leave all that at home and laugh! We have also scheduled to have another girl’s night this week and I hope that we can continue on with this and make it a tradition. I think this is something that we all need!!! No matter what we are all going through, we all need to take a break and enjoy the people in our lives. So everyone go ahead and schedule your girl’s night out!!! A girl’s night does a girl good!!!

141 of 365
(I have realized that I have been bad about posting my day of grace)
1) Girls Night Out Tomorrow!
2) Long weekend to hopefully get some relaxation in
3) Eating healthier makes you feel better
4) Money that God has provided us with to be able to afford the things that we need
5) Wonderful, relaxing Sunday night at home with my husband (If you follow me on twitter you know what we did) This was a great start to the week!!!!

Monday, May 11, 2009

Unexpected Flower

I knew Sunday was going to be a little difficult for me, but I didn’t expect it to be as hard as it was. I thought I could make it through the day without tears, I thought I could make it through the day with happiness. This was supposed to be a day to celebrate our mothers, not a day for me to be sad. It was hard for me to see mothers glowing with happiness celebrating their day, it was hard for me to hear about the wonderful things their children got them for Mother’s day or how husband honored their wives for being wonderful mothers. It was harder than expected! A lot harder than I expected!!!

I got up and got dressed for Sunday school, everything going great, just another Sunday going to church. Then it hit me, our Sunday school lesson was on Hannah. I knew it was going to be hard as soon as our teacher said we were going to study Hannah.

Those of you that don’t know Hannah’s story, here is a very brief summary. Hannah could not have children because the Lord had closed her womb (she was struggling with infertility). All of Hannah’s thoughts centered on being childless and she could not find any comfort because of this. She endured great ridicule because of her inability to have any children. She continually sought the Lord to remove this and give her a child. One day Hannah made a vow to God. If God would give her a son she would give him back to God all the days of his life. After she made this vow Hannah conceived a son and she followed through with her vow. She went on to praise the Lord through an amazing prayer (1 Samuel 2:1-10). And I thought last Sunday was hard!

Our teacher kept asking if anyone has ever been in this kind of situation. “Has anyone ever wanted something this bad and kept asking for it. How did you handle this type of situation?????” I could feel the tears coming, but I held them back. I really just wanted to disappear right then, right there. There was no way that I could have spoken up and said anything at all without crying my eyes out. But what I wanted to say was YES, that is me, I know exactly how Hannah felt and what she was going through. Lord, please answer my prayer for a child! Lord please open my womb and make it perfect to carry a baby! Lord if it is your will, I am ready! How am I handling this???? I am taking one day at a time, trying to follow Gods will for my life. Do I have bad days? Yep, and unexpectedly Sunday was one of those days.

I went on to church; I had regained my composure and was feeling pretty good. They were giving flowers out to all the mothers and I wished this was a day that I could celebrate with my own child. I could feel the tears coming, but once again I held them back. This was supposed to be a happy day, celebrating our mothers! Then a very loving and caring friend asked how I was doing (knowing the Sunday school lesson I just went through) and I could feel the tears coming, but once again I held them back. The service was over and I made it through it without crying!!!! After church, another loving and caring friend came up to give me her flower and said that I deserved it more than she did. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes and I could not hold it in any longer. I fell apart in her arms. There was only so much I could hold back and that was my breaking point. I regained my composure, and went on with the busy Mother’s day plans that we had.

I had started this day not expecting to feel the feelings that I felt. I expected to have a great day going to church and spending with family. I never expected to fall apart in church. This was supposed to be a happy day, not a day full of pain and tears. After I got my good crying out I was fine the rest of the day and was able to enjoy the time spent with family.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Okay God, I am listening!

This post has been sitting in my edit post folder and I have just now had the time to finish it.

I have finally called to schedule my exploratory surgery. I was very worried that our insurance would not cover any of this surgery since being diagnosed with infertility. You see, they cover testing but nothing after the diagnosis has been made. So I called to see how much this surgery was going to cost see what would be added to our infertility debt. Another problem was going to be the hospital that I have to have it done at. I was pretty sure both locations that my RE does this at would be out-of-network. Our insurance is pretty different than others because we are connected to a particular hospital and we have to use only that hospital (the one my husband works at). So I made the call that I kept putting off. She said that she would have to make some calls and get back to me on all the details.........

She finally called me back a day and a half later...........

Our insurance will cover 75% of the surgery and my doctor agreed to do the surgery at an in-network hospital, just for us!!!!! (Not really, just for us, she does some procedures at this hospital just not exactly the one that I need to have). This was a huge relief and answered prayer. I went ahead and bit the bullet (not really sure what that expression means) and scheduled my will be on July 10th. She was already booked until the first of June and the month of June is kind of crazy for me and I didn't want to have to done on the 4th of July weekend. Sooooo July 10th is the date!!!! It will be a laparoscopy surgery to check my endo (if I have it or not) and then check my blood supply to my uterus and take a biopsy while in there. There are some other things that she is going to check out but I can't remember everything. I am not sure if I want her to find anything or not??? I guess whatever she finds or doesn't find will be Gods will and I will accept that and move on in whatever direction is needed.

This past Sunday God was trying to tell me something... I am just not sure what it was???? So the morning started out going to Sunday School and when we walk in there is a lady visiting that is eight months pregnant, so of course the pregnancy talk went on and I was fine. Then I go to church and a lady walks in with a 3 month old baby and sits right in front of me. I can't see this stuff without my mind imagining that being myself pregnant or myself with a new born baby. So I gather my composure and get through church. Later that evening we go to Coffee House at our church and a couple that has maybe been married a month announces that they are pregnant!!! Ok God what are you trying to tell me????? Are you just seeing how I am going to handle these situations, no, you already know how I will react. So I get through my Sunday full of pregnancies, babies and announcements and go to work on Monday and I am greeted by the lady up here counting down the days until her daughter is due (only 25 more days if anyone wants to know). Please just continue to pray for my endurance through this waiting period. Most days I am great and at peace waiting, but the days that it seems to come at me from every direction are hard.