Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Emotional Leap of Faith

I am home now and trying to get back to normal. It was sooooo nice to see my husband after 10 days away. I know this might sound crazy to some of you, but it was great to be home and get to clean my house, clean up my yard and just do normal everyday things. I dreaded going to the store though, but I had to go so we could have some home cooked meals. One night Marcus and I faced the craziness together. To my surprise it was not bad, so maybe our plan of going late at night worked out. We now have food and a clean house and are finally able to relax and try and get back on track with our plans.

Our infertility plan of action has changed many times. We decided to go forward with the surgery, so when I got back from my hurrication I scheduled the surgery, but then after talking some things over with Dr. L we decided to put off the surgery and go in a different direction. We are going next Wednesday (October 8th) to talk to one of our doctors to talk through this new plan of action and ask some more questions. These have been the hardest decisions we have ever had to make in our life and Marcus and I just want to do what is best in our situation. Please just pray for our peace of mind that we are making the right decisions along this journey.

I have tried to not get down or have bitterness during this time, but some days are just better than others. One day when I was struggling with these emotions my devotional said "whenever you are feeling discouraged make sure you are giving thanks for something in your life and discouragement will leave you." So, when these feelings creep up on me I just remember the many, many blessings God has given me and I know that one day it will be our day to have a child. Until this day comes, God is sculpting Marcus and I to be great parents. This book I am reading describes this time in a couples life as "an emotional leap of faith, a time of truth when a couple is challenged in ways that they might not have imagined possible." I could have never imagined that Marcus and I would be going through these struggles, but some how we have made it through one obstacle at a time with our love for one another growing more and more with each obstacle we face.

1 comment:

Jessica said...

It really breaks my heart when I read about the struggles of your journey. It took Josh and I 9 months of trying to get pregnant with Raylen. Parts of those months were extrememly difficult for me. I cannot imaging walking to road the you have walked for as long as you have had to walk it...yet you remain so faithful. It is such a witness to me. I am praying that you will have peace and God's wisdom as you continue on your journey.