Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Seriously!!!!!

So what happens now? That is a huge question!
Marcus and I went into our marriage wanting 3 kids and were very excited to start a family. When that time came we were both very excited with each month that went by we wondered could this be the month? Now we are 2 years and 4 months later and still wondering.

So, when do I get to join in on all the mother issues: cloth diapering, breastfeeding, baby wearing, vaccinations???? When do I get to worry about the small or just mediocre stuff???? When do I get to clean out our small house to prepare for a baby???? When will Marcus and I get to have a night where IF (infertility) is not in the back of our minds, the topic of our conversations are anything but IF, when will we get to take a babymoon???? I know this might sound like a pity party, but seriously, when? Seriously!!!!

Ok I am over that now, sorry for letting it all out!!! This is a public journal for me to write down my feelings and get things off my chest.

I have grown up knowing that I have a pretty high pain tolerance and never thought twice about the pain I have each month when AF comes around. My periods where never really regular at the beginning. Then I started taking BC at 20-21 before we got married and AF was like clockwork and really not much pain (in my eyes). I am writing this because I just took the pain I had each month as something that women have to go through and didn't think anything of it. I never missed school/work because of the pain. So I can now see why sooooo many women never know they have endometriosis. I never knew and even when my RE said she was going to test for it I was more worried about the clotting factor coming back abnormal than the endometriosis. I guess you never know? Since I have gone through two cycles I have had major cramps/pain and (TMI alert) heavy, heavy flow and had some clots come out. I know this is from suppressing me but it is bad. I now am feeling the pain that I would expect and it worries me about what damage I have inside of me???? I guess we will see what my RE says about everything.

So now what....only God knows? We are going to take a break from IVF/FET for a little while and try and relax (please no comments on us getting pregnant during this break). There are many things that you can say to make an IF go crazy and "just relax and you never know" is one of them. We will enjoy not having to be home at a certain time to take a shot and enjoying getting my emotions back to normal after being pumped up on drugs. I would say enjoy each other and take a trip but we are also going to try and pay off most, if not all, of our IF debt during this time and we both have missed A LOT of work. I guess we will see about the trip. These past few months seems like they have been years!!!!

Does anyone know a good acupuncturist that does treatments for IVF patients with endometriosis? Something I am thinking about looking into. Oh and they have to be in the SE Texas area!

3 comments:

Hollie said...

What happens now?... That's such a tough question to answer. It sounds like taking a break is what you and your husband have decided to do. After that you can pray and talk and do what seems best. I hope that you get all those things that you long for soon and IF is just a painful memory. I'm glad the dr found your medical condition. Hopefully knowing and possibly treating it can help you get pregnant. I will look into the acupunturist. I have a friend who did it for severe back pain.

The Dorns said...

Ask your fertility clinic if they can refer you to a accupuncturist who deals with fertility. Or I would start calling all the accupuncurist in your area and ask if they are trained for treating fertility.

Only down fall to that is its usually not covered by insurance. I had to pay $120 for intial appt., then I did $70 treatment the week before, then $70 immedietly after my transfer blasts.

sweet jenn said...

maybe you could ask Shari Autrey or Kim Bean to give you a name of a good acupuncturist. I'm sure they would know someone...if anyone would they would...lol.