Does it get easier, time after time?

Our first IVF treatment was the culmination of many doctors visits and many months of waiting. The day finally came and I was, to say the least, overjoyed to be finally taking that step to achieve what we have been waiting on for so long! I took each shot with excitement that we were one day closer. We got excellent news with each appointment we went to. My body was reacting perfectly, everything was perfect! I was hopeful that after months of anticipation we were finally coming to that DAY! We were given great excellent odds of this working. Well, it doesn't always work. So just as fast as my hopes rose they were shattered in one phone call.

Does it get easier, time after time?

Before we knew it we were on to FET #1. Once again my body was reacting perfectly, everything was perfect! We were hopeful once again...given great odds. Again I was shattered. Our RE kept saying she doesn't understand why this is not working...everything is perfect, our embryos are perfect, my transfers go smoothly...this should work. But what she doesn't know is this was not our time. God has been sculpting me during these failed cycles and now during this waiting period. At times it is just a gentle nudge but other times I am brought to tears at the realization of how small I really am. We were made to worship Him....who am I to want things my way? Will our next cycle produce a pregnancy... I don't know.

Does it get easier, time after time?

I know a lot of people that go through cycle after cycle (many more than I have) and have made it a routine that they endure. They don't allow themselves to hope (deep down I am sure there is hope). I have not made it to that point to where this is all routine. I get my hopes up with every procedure and every cycle. I guess that is just where I am right now. I dream about announcing a pregnancy, carrying a baby, feeling a baby move inside of me, delivering a baby and raising a child. I know I should not put myself through these emotions, but before I know it I am there...dreaming.

Does it get easier, time after time?

Things happen. Things happen almost daily that remind me that I am going through infertility. If I would let them they would knock me one notch lower each time, but I choose to blow them off and move on. People choose to not talk to me because of infertility. People decide not to befriend me because of infertility. People say thoughtless comments to me because of infertility. I am hit over the head with what people say sometimes. This is just a glimpse at my life through infertility...I am not saying this for a pity party...this blog is about awareness and documenting our journey! I know there are no words that I could say to let someone in on the emotions that go along with infertility nor do I expect them to fully understand. I have come to appreciate my true friends, my caring family, and even the prefect strangers that have reached out to me, because of infertility.

Does it get easier, time after time?

So here we are still waiting, coming up on the 60 days that our insurance said they have to make a decision on my surgery. I am waiting...with anticipation...with hope...with peace...with comfort....and also with wonder. I know God has some amazing things in store for us...we just have to be patient and wait!