Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Trying to embrace

It has been a week and a half and the sadness is still somewhat there. I can be perfectly fine one minute and then it hits me the next minute. Different things trigger it…a lady walking past rubbing her very pregnant belly, someone announcing that they are pregnant, walking into Babies R Us (I don’t know why I did this to myself) and many more. Why do so many 15 year olds keep getting pregnant and all of us infertiles out there are still waiting (big sigh)???? These are all reminders that I am not pregnant and very much thought I would be celebrating at this point. I know God has is perfect timing and I am trying to embrace that, but it is still hard. I know that this strong desire to have children is there for a reason and our dreams of children will come true one day. I am not going to let this beat me, I will overcome this!!!! Everyone keeps asking me how I am doing and I am doing pretty well. I am making it through day by day, I am having fun preparing for Christmas and Marcus and I are enjoying each other and I am just trying to get caught up in and enjoy the Christmas spirit. After this week our schedule is very busy so hopefully that will be a good distraction for me. It is amazing how God can use these hard times to bring about some positive things and also show us what is most important to us. I love my husband and I know that we can make it through whatever is thrown at us and come out more in love with each other than before. Who would have known that in our little 4.5 years of marriage we would have gone through what we have had to go through, but we would not be the people we are today without those trials and so I am thankful for the trails. I started this blog to really document our journey along the way and I have gotten more out of than I expected. This has become a huge support system for me and an easy way to release my thoughts. I have met so many people that are or have gone through the tuff journey of infertility and thank you all for your support and encouraging words. It is nice to be able to talk to others that are experiencing the same thing that you are. My post will still have some sort of reference to our journey but I will try to post more upbeat things from now on. That will be my challenge to myself!!!!!

5 comments:

Hollie said...

I'm really sorry this cycle didn't work out. Of course it is hard on you to see big pregnant ladies and to go to Babies R Us. As for the 15 year olds... who knows why they get pregnant. IF is one of the mysteries in life. IF is so hard to deal with. I know I'm speaking from the other side, but I will never forget the struggles I went through. The strong desire to have children will translate into a deep love for your children. I hope Christmas activities keep you busy and happy. I'm glad to hear that blogging is helping. It really is a nice way to let out your feelings.

sweet jenn said...

I love that you share your struggles on your blog. It helps ME to relate to you because it's easier to type it all out and walk away than to sit and look someone in the eyes and talk about your struggles. I love you guys so much and I know that your 'MIRACLE' is on its way. I know you know this, but I'm gonna say it anyway....God's timing is perfect...beyond perfect. I don't know why He is delaying your desires, but whatever the reasoning is He is and always will be P E R F E C T ! ! ! ! Have no doubt in that.

Teresa said...

One day we will understand why the heck we had to go through the struggle of getting pregnant and/or maintaining a pregnancy. Right now it's so hard for me not to wish IF on every single person around me. Seriously, why should it be easy for anybody to conceive when life is such a miracle? I can't wait for the day when we get our answers. Hollie is so right though..you will have an amazing, fierce love for your children. Look you already do and you haven't met them yet!

Kelly said...

Hi! I'm glad you found my blog! You are so fortunate that you have 7 frozen embryos. That is great! This FET cycle is SO much easier than a fresh IVF, and it's nice not to have to worry about shots or tons of monitoring appointments. I look forward to reading about your cycle, too!

Kelly said...

Yeah, that was strange that your comment disappeared! Computers have a mind of their own sometimes, I guess! That stinks that you still have to do PIO, but it sounds like you are a pro. When will you start BCPs?