Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Trying to embrace
It has been a week and a half and the sadness is still somewhat there. I can be perfectly fine one minute and then it hits me the next minute. Different things trigger it…a lady walking past rubbing her very pregnant belly, someone announcing that they are pregnant, walking into Babies R Us (I don’t know why I did this to myself) and many more. Why do so many 15 year olds keep getting pregnant and all of us infertiles out there are still waiting (big sigh)???? These are all reminders that I am not pregnant and very much thought I would be celebrating at this point. I know God has is perfect timing and I am trying to embrace that, but it is still hard. I know that this strong desire to have children is there for a reason and our dreams of children will come true one day. I am not going to let this beat me, I will overcome this!!!! Everyone keeps asking me how I am doing and I am doing pretty well. I am making it through day by day, I am having fun preparing for Christmas and Marcus and I are enjoying each other and I am just trying to get caught up in and enjoy the Christmas spirit. After this week our schedule is very busy so hopefully that will be a good distraction for me. It is amazing how God can use these hard times to bring about some positive things and also show us what is most important to us. I love my husband and I know that we can make it through whatever is thrown at us and come out more in love with each other than before. Who would have known that in our little 4.5 years of marriage we would have gone through what we have had to go through, but we would not be the people we are today without those trials and so I am thankful for the trails. I started this blog to really document our journey along the way and I have gotten more out of than I expected. This has become a huge support system for me and an easy way to release my thoughts. I have met so many people that are or have gone through the tuff journey of infertility and thank you all for your support and encouraging words. It is nice to be able to talk to others that are experiencing the same thing that you are. My post will still have some sort of reference to our journey but I will try to post more upbeat things from now on. That will be my challenge to myself!!!!!