Bigger and trying to enjoying life while singing

Why does infertility treatments make you gain weight? I will chalk it all up to the meds, flax oil, and the fact that they where monitoring my weight very closely this time around. But since that cycle ended I have been eating healthy, but not really trying to lose the weight since I will have to put it back on for the next cycle. The problem is my pants don’t fit me and since we are tying to save money I feel bad about going out and spending money on clothes. Maybe I can catch a good sale on jeans somewhere???? On a positive note my boobs are bigger, except that some of my bras are uncomfortable.

Please just pray for me. My fridge is covered in baby shower invites and baby announcement. I just want to be able to attend these showers without any ounce of bitterness, resentment and to truly be happy for them. I can be doing great and then all of a sudden something creeps up on me and I don’t know where it came from. This is one of the many struggles that I have had to deal with going through 2 failed cycles. I wish it was me sitting in that chair big and pregnant, but hopefully I will get my turn, so in the meantime I have to be happy for others.

So what do you do when you decide to take a break from IF treatments? Play catch up with everything that you have put off because you can't do it while undergoing IF treatments.
1. We are trying to narrow down all the supplies that we need for our bathroom redo and hopefully we will be able to start on that soon.
2. Do things around the house that I have not been able to do in awhile
3. Scheduled dermatologist appointment (6 month skin cancer check-up, by the time I go it will be more like 1 year)
4. Schedule gastrologist (this is not fun and I have put it off on purpose but I can't hide anymore) When I was 17 I had a polyp and since then I have to have a colonoscopy every 3 years to make sure I don't have anymore. My last one was March 2004, so you can imagine how the nurse reacted when I called to schedule it.
5. Have a nice glass of red wine
6. Soak in a very hot bath
7. And the most important thing on my list is.......spend some much needed alone time with my husband!!!! When you are going through IF treatments you are very busy going to RE appointments, not feeling that well, and shooting/sticking/swallowing all different medicines and many, many other things that come between the two of you.
****So it pretty much sums up to enjoying life without thinking twice if I can or can't do certain things!****

On another note, I am getting better each day that goes by. When people ask me how I am doing I can answer them truthfully. I am doing okay and really, really enjoying our break from treatments. I would love to move on and do our next FET and get my BFP, but as of right now God is telling me to wait. Waiting is hard, but I am waiting with hope. I am going to have patience and wait until I feel like it is time for us to start again.

Marcus and I want kids so bad, more than anything would we love to be out of this phase of our life. But all I can do is take each day that I am given and be open to the things that God is teaching me during this struggle. At the end of the day I want to continue my song of praise for the One that is carrying and comforting me through this journey.