The smell of apple cider

I love fall!!!! I mean what is there not to love? There are so many nostalgic memories during fall for me. The sights and smells are just so great I just want to soak them all in, because I know not before long it will be over. The smell of apple cider, crunch of leaves under my feet, pumpkin patches and hay rides are just a few things I love about fall. I love to cuddle up on the couch with a hot cup of cider and watch an old holiday movie with Marcus. I love Thanksgiving because it's a time when families can gets together, eat and catch up with everything going on in our lives. I love waking up on Thanksgiving morning and flipping from one parade to another. I might not be able to do much this Thanksgiving, but it will for sure be one I will always remember!!! I am hoping by Thanksgiving I will be nurturing two little babies inside me!!!! I figured it was time I posted something other than the technical side of IVF; there will be plenty of that to come in the next few weeks. Here's to fall!!!!

God IS in Control!

On my way to get my massage yesterday the RE called me. Up until this point I have been talking with the nurse and relaying the information through her, so it was nice to be able to talk directly to my doctor and tell her my concerns. She started off the conversation by apologizing for the mix up and that she had forgot that we had already seen the doctor they wanted us to go to. I think she had a consult with this doctor and he made her realize that we can't go to him and that we are doing all that we can do. She assured me that everything is going to work out and I can continue on with my meds. I am going tomorrow for a few tests and to sign the final paperwork, so everything will be official!

I know there are going to be times when it seems like everything is out of control and I have to keep reminding myself that I am not in control, God is. This is very hard for me and I know this is a major part of me that God is working on. God has revealed so many things to me throughout this journey. At the Coffee House this Sunday Marcus made a statement that if God would show us the entire picture right from the beginning we most likely would not follow that path. If I knew from the beginning what I was going to have to go through these past two years to get to where I am now, I am pretty sure I would have said "no thank you". But He doesn't do this, He gently guides us through each step of our lives comforting us and hopefully we grow and become closer to him along the way.

A praise for today: Marcus went to the doctor today to get his results from the CT Scan and everything came back clear!!!! The tumor has not come back! I know he is relieved to have this past him.

Still all messed up!

The doctor situation is still all messed up!!!! I talked with someone at my RE office this morning and they have decided that we need to see this new doctor, that I guess they had forgot we had already seen back in August and he told us that he could not help us. He told us to stay with the doctor that we are already seeing. They thought they had everything figured out and it just makes me furious because I don't know how many times we have told them this is the only way we can do this. This is the only doctor we can use!!!! Please continue to pray for this situation!!! I am so upset right now, and hoping that this will not change my cycle. I just pray that I can get it all worked out today and everyone is comfortable doing what we want them to do. I don't need this stress! It's a good thing I am getting a massage today!

Why can't they all just get along?

I have a prayer request. Everything is still going pretty good, but I kind of had a hard day yesterday. There are a lot of things that I am having to get done and people to follow up with to make sure everything is getting done on time. On top of that Marcus left Sunday for Pittsburgh and will be back on Friday, so it has been very quiet at our house this week. Zoe and I are hanging in there, only one more night by ourselves. Okay to my prayer request, someone from my RE (reproductive endocrinologist) office called yesterday to make sure that I could be reached on my cell phone because my doctor wanted to talk something over with me. So I sat around the house waiting for the call trying to figure out what it could be???? Is my blood work showing something, is Marcus' blood work showing something, is it my calendar, or is it the problem with the doctors working together????? I waited till around 6:30 and then decided to go to church and just have my phone where I could feel it vibrate. She never called, so I figured that it was not anything that major. I got a call from her office in Houston this morning and finally found out what she wanted to talk to me about. It is the two doctors working together, well actually it is the embryologist working with our other doctor. We knew that they didn't like each other, but these doctors are our only chance of us getting a BFP (Big Fat Positive). I still don't know what they have worked out because my RE is the one that has to tell me. Please just pray that they will put aside their problems with each other and make this process go smoothly!

I would die for that

This is for all the husband's and wife's that are dealing with infertility. This week is National Infertility Awareness Week. I read a quote today "to get through the hardest journey we need to take only one step at a time, but we must keep on stepping!" Here's to one step at a time until we get our little miracle!

So far, so good!

It is a good thing that needles and blood don't bother me!!!! About a week ago I had to go and have some blood work done and going in I figured it would be quite a lot, but I didn't realize it would be 11 vials! It was so much that half way through she had to switch to my other arm. Then again today they needed more blood to get my baseline levels. But so far so good, my calendar stayed the same, yippee!!!! I also have all my meds organized, which makes me feel better. I am a very, very detailed person and I like everything to be organized. All day today I have been checking items off my list of things I have to get done before next Wednesday. That is when my next major doctors appointment will be. I will have to pass some more tests to be able to continue on with this cycle. Pray everything will look good and that the drugs are doing what they are suppose to be doing!

I know last week I wanted to start to be able to begin my cycle and now I need Aunt Flo to go away. I have a gyno appointment tomorrow that I have to go to, to again meet a deadline for my Reproductive Endocrinologist. She is very demanding of my body to do certain things at specific times! I started on birth control today and I am hoping that will make me stop by tomorrow afternoon. Hopefully I will be able to get everything done tomorrow to check another thing off my list.

Another blessing along this crazy journey! I have already had to miss a lot of work up to this point and I don't think every employer would put up with all these days off. It's also just the beginning of the cycle. When I get further along in my cycle, there is a possibility that I will have to go to the doctor everyday to get checked out. The blessing is I work for a family business and my dad is my boss! I don't know what I would do if I had any other job???? It seems like Marcus and I both are in the perfect job at the perfect time! This is another example if God guiding us through this journey! I know there will be more blessings along this journey and I just want to continue my Song of Praise and thank God for what he is doing in our life!

Aunt Flo has made her arrival!

Aunt Flo has made her arrival!!!! I have an appointment on Monday to get my baseline blood work done. Also at this appointment I have to bring all my meds to have them organized. I for sure don't want to take the wrong shot on the wrong day. I am still a little worried about all the shots I have to take. I have grown up having my blood taken a lot so needles don't bother me, but I have never had to stick myself with a needle. I am sure after the first few it will get easier, or I might be calling Jennifer Douga to come and give me my shots (Jennifer if you are reading this, be ready for my call). My mom and Marcus both went to injection training with me, so they both should be able to help me out. During the class we were able to practice and my mom seemed a little nervous about it and the nurse kept telling her that she was doing it to slow and that would hurt me. Marcus on the other hand bent the needle (maybe a little too hard) and he was never good growing up with needles and blood?????? I know y'all are wondering about my calendar and is it still going to work????? I have counted out the days and from what I come up with I think it is not going to change, but I will find out on Monday.

Marcus and I are truly thankful and I don't even know where to begin with all the blessings we have experienced along this journey. The meds alone for this treatment usually cost a fortune, but we have been blessed and they are only going to cost us a third of the price. My doctor is also giving us (yes I said givng us, as in free!!) one of the most expensive drugs, because our insurance isn't covering any of our drugs or treatment. The treatment cost, where do I begin????? That alone is a huge blessing, it will not be as hard on us as we initially thought. I am just so thankful for the many blessing along this crazy journey!!!!

Please come now!

I am waiting as patiently as I can for Aunt Flo (as Jessica put it). I still haven't started and yesterday at the doctor she said that I have until Wednesday or maybe Thursday to start to keep with the calendar I have. I think I got myself all worked up with everything beginning so soon that I have thrown my body off a tad bit. Anyone have any suggestion of things to do to bring this on????? I never thought that I would be praying for my period to start but I am now! Sorry for such a personal post!

Freaked out, scared, but very Excited, Happy, Giddy, Eager, Thrilled, & Energized!!!

I am very excited to finally post some progress. Our doctor’s appointment on Wednesday went really well. We went to see my reproductive endocrinologist to have a consultation with her and just talk some things through, or so we thought. We had no idea that we would walk out of there with the plans she gave us. We figured that it would be after the holidays before we got started on everything, but for some reason everything just fell into place at our appointment. My cycle lines up perfectly with everything that has to happen. I can see God at work in this entire process!!!! The doctor that has to do the surgery will only be available for a few days at the first of November and third week of November and guess when we need him….the third week. I don’t think that we could have planned this any better if we tried. After we realized that everything really is going to happen, those of you that know me probably know that I went into freak out mode. I am a very detailed person and I started making lists of things that I have to get done. Luckily all the main things I had to do seem to also fall into place. I think Marcus and I are still a little shocked that we are finally moving forward after 2 years, but are very excited!!!! Those of you that don’t know, we are having to do IVF (ok I let out some details that I said I wouldn’t). This is going to be a very exciting process for us and also a very emotional six weeks for me. I am going to go ahead and ask for forgiveness in case I act a little crazy during this time, I will just blame it on the drugs that I will be shooting in my body everyday. If everything continues to workout, we are looking at a Thanksgiving transfer!!!! This will be a very memorable Thanksgiving for us. Please continue to pray for everything to work out and to continue falling into place.

When will it begin?

I just wanted to thank all of you for praying for Marcus and I. I truly believe that your prayers are what carry us through each day of this journey. Our appointment last Friday went really well with Dr. L. He thought that our new plan of action was a good way to go and the best option for us at this point. The only thing that he suggested was that we wait until after the holidays to start with everything, because right now we are getting really close to the craziness of the holidays. I guess that is just another thing to think about and decide what we are comfortable with. We are going tomorrow to talk with another one of our main doctors, Dr. S, and I guess we will get her input as to what start date she is comfortable with. I am very excited about our appointment tomorrow!!!!! We now only have two main doctors, Dr. L and Dr. S and they have to coordinate everything together. These two doctors don't usually work together and I am not sure if they have a very good track record together. I just pray that they will set aside their smugness and have a little humility with each other. They are our only and best option at this point of the process.

I am trying very hard lately to work on my positive outlook and to reduce my stress level because I know that is the best thing for me to do at this point to give us a positive pregnancy result. So if any of you have any suggestion of relaxation techniques I am open to trying whatever will help!!!! I don't feel stressed out but I know deep down I am letting it bother me because I have never had a problem with acne but lately I have had a problem with breakouts and I know it is because of stress. I know I need to get back to yoga but I just can't seem to find the time.

On another note, Marcus is due for his first yearly check up to make sure the tumor that he had hasn't come back. The doctor told us that the type of tumor he had, had a high percentage of coming back. So every year he is going to have to have a CT Scan to check everything out. He has an appointment at the end of the month for all of this. Please just pray for him, because I know this is not easy to go through.

Tomorrow!!!!!!!

Dr. L is sooooo hard to get in to so when I called last week the first appointment we could get was November 14th. I am so tired of waiting for appointments to come around and this would just put us waiting another month and another month behind. This is the doctor that will be performing the surgery at some point in time so we really wanted to talk to him one more time to make sure we are all on the same page. The past two days I have been trying to get in touch with his nurse to see if there is any way that we could get in any earlier but we kept missing each other. I just called and she answered her phone which is the first amazing thing and she ask me if we could come in TOMORROW at 11:00!!!!!!!! I am so excited, y'all just don't know how perfect this is!!!!!!! I just pray that our appointment tomorrow goes well and everything will work out the way we have planned. Hopefully things are about to start happening and the waiting is over!!!!!