27?!?!?!?!?!?!!!

Happy Birthday to Me!!!!!

Today is my 27th birthday!!!! Even though I had a list of things I wanted to check off my list before this day had come, I still have to celebrate because it is MY BIRTHDAY!!!! Who knows what this next year will hold??? Hopefully a baby!

Taking a closer look!

Since my last post I have realized that there are reasons that my first IVF attempt didn't work. God has amazing things in store for my life and I just want to have the patience to wait for His perfect timing. I had started putting my struggles and focus for a baby before my relationship with my Savior. Since this realization I have changed my focus and I just pray that I can continue to follow His plans for my life and truly celebrate what Christmas is all about! This year I have not stressed about what gifts to buy certain people and I really believe that I have stayed out of the commercialize Christmas. I know that January will come soon enough and I don't want to wish Christmas to rush by. I love Christmas time!!!! I want to fully enjoy this Christmas with my family and friends!!!!

In my quiet time this was the example:
This guy was setting up a store front Christmas window display with a manger scene and it had a note attached to it. The note said "Open package, from God to all mankind". He said that there were two different responses to the window display. One response was they would just walk past not even noticing anything different. The other response was they would walk up to the window and get a closer look at the baby inside. The point of this is we need to stop during all the hustle and bustle and take a closer look at what this holiday is all about. It seems like we get so busy with Christmas that we rush through it without focusing on God during this time. Christmas is not about getting the perfect gift for someone, it is not about having the perfectly decorated house, it is not about anything but my God coming to this Earth to be born as a baby, live a perfect life and die for my sins. We I need to take a closer look!

We started Sunday night with one of my family traditions. We baked 3 batches sandtarts and 5 batches of trash with my parents. Oh and I most certainly did not just eat sandtarts and trash for supper. They both are sooooo good and will help put on some weight; cookies are a good fat, aren't they?????? I am sure my RE would love to know that I ate cookies for supper. Monday night was Christmas celebration with my moms side of the family and my grandmothers birthday (she was born on Christmas day). It was a great night with family. I have some issues with that side of the family that I will talk about at a later date. I am working on my outlook on certain things because I know that is the only thing that I can control. I am not going to let a few people mess up my time with my grandparents! I hope this Christmas will be a joyful one, no matter where I am or who I am with because no matter the circumstances I am going through Christmas is not about me, it is about taking a closer look.

Trying to embrace

It has been a week and a half and the sadness is still somewhat there. I can be perfectly fine one minute and then it hits me the next minute. Different things trigger it…a lady walking past rubbing her very pregnant belly, someone announcing that they are pregnant, walking into Babies R Us (I don’t know why I did this to myself) and many more. Why do so many 15 year olds keep getting pregnant and all of us infertiles out there are still waiting (big sigh)???? These are all reminders that I am not pregnant and very much thought I would be celebrating at this point. I know God has is perfect timing and I am trying to embrace that, but it is still hard. I know that this strong desire to have children is there for a reason and our dreams of children will come true one day. I am not going to let this beat me, I will overcome this!!!! Everyone keeps asking me how I am doing and I am doing pretty well. I am making it through day by day, I am having fun preparing for Christmas and Marcus and I are enjoying each other and I am just trying to get caught up in and enjoy the Christmas spirit. After this week our schedule is very busy so hopefully that will be a good distraction for me. It is amazing how God can use these hard times to bring about some positive things and also show us what is most important to us. I love my husband and I know that we can make it through whatever is thrown at us and come out more in love with each other than before. Who would have known that in our little 4.5 years of marriage we would have gone through what we have had to go through, but we would not be the people we are today without those trials and so I am thankful for the trails. I started this blog to really document our journey along the way and I have gotten more out of than I expected. This has become a huge support system for me and an easy way to release my thoughts. I have met so many people that are or have gone through the tuff journey of infertility and thank you all for your support and encouraging words. It is nice to be able to talk to others that are experiencing the same thing that you are. My post will still have some sort of reference to our journey but I will try to post more upbeat things from now on. That will be my challenge to myself!!!!!

Now on to a FET

To start off, we were given a great success rate with our first go around and that is why she decided to only put one back in. As some of you know we were a little upset with her decision, but trusted her as our doctor. I think she was a little sorry for this decision when we talked with her yesterday and also a little shocked that it didn't work.

On a side note, what is going on with our generation? There are so many couples battling infertility!!!! It makes me sad when I think of all of you, because I know your pain, your sadness, and your desires! It is hard to go through, but some how we make it through day by day, month by month and year by year.

We have decided to do more blood work to check on a clotting disorder and endometriosis (since this runs in my family). I am going on Monday to give more blood and just pray that everything comes back normal. These are all things that could cause the embryo to not implant. I also have to start taking flax seed oil to help me put on some weight. Then we went through the embryos that we have left and talked about how many we would like to put back in. She totally left this decision up to us, well with in reason, and we decided to put 3 back in. With her 2008 stats their success rate is 43% with putting 3 back in and they did not have any triplets come out of those and only 8 sets of twins. So the stats are not as good as a fresh cycle but you really can't compare your specific problem with their stats because every ones cause of infertility is individual. Unless something new comes up with my blood work, we have hurdled past our cause of infertility; we have 7 beautiful embryos waiting for us!!! If everything works out, we will be starting a FET cycle in January. We are also lucky that this will not cost us too much more money because we went through a financing program that if our first try didn't work we are able to do a FET without any additional cost (except cost of testing and meds). When we decided to go through this program I was hoping that we would not have to use our second chance, but now that we are here I am very happy that we choose to go in that direction. We are saving thousands of dollars!!!! In the end, I think we both left our appointment with some hope and a little more comforted. Thanks again for all your prayers and hugs!

Did it really snow in Southeast TX?

I thought Marcus was playing a joke on me this morning when he woke me up and said that there was snow everywhere. Those of you that don't know where we live, we live in Southeast Texas, a.k.a. the arm pit. It never snows here!!!! When we rarely get a snow flurry everyone freaks out and runs outside with their pieces of black paper to be able to see a snowflake. I know some of you that live where it snows every winter think that we are crazy!!!! Zoe was soooo cute playing in the snow, of course she had to wear her pea coat. She loved it and was very cute pouncing around the backyard. Well that is our December 11th, 2008 Southeast Texas snow story!!!!!

Still have hope!

Thank you all for your prayers, hugs, support and kind words. This just wasn't our time for our little miracle. It is very hard and I am very sad but I will continue to have hope and I know the sadness will ease up over time. We are going for a consult on Wednesday to talk everything over and talk about a FET (frozen embryo transfer). We are very lucky to have 7 frozen embryos. I really have no idea how a FET works or what it will all entail, but I will let you all know after our appointment on Wednesday. I keep thinking if there was something that I could have done differently, but I was even more cautious than the doctor even asked me to be. Who knows why it didn't work, maybe we will get some answers at our appointment. God is still in control and He is carrying Marcus and me through this. We will come out stronger and who knows what miracles God has in store for us.

Beta Results

Just to let you all know, it was negative. I will post more later.

Beta Eve

I can't stop thinking about it, it consumes my every thought! This is true torture! I can't believe the day is almost here. It has gone by a little quicker for me because I was sidetracked a little by the Thanksgiving holidays. I am trying to prepare myself if it is negative, but how do you prepare yourself for something like that?????? I am going shopping tonight with my mom and sister, so hopefully I will be able to take my mind off of tomorrow for a little while. Hopefully I will be able to get some Christmas shopping done, since I wasn't able to join in on our family tradition on Black Friday.

Funny but kind of gross story:
Last night I had to pack my shot up and bring it with me to church, because Marcus stays after for a little while and I have not been brave enough to try and give it to myself. It is a shot that has to be given in the muscle (upper butt) and I am not sure I am that flexible (just try and picture doing it) all with a 1 & 1/2" needle, all while avoiding blood vessels. So I packed all my supplies (an extra needle in case a blood vessel is hit). The first needle I put on had something on it, so I changed it out with the extra one I had brought. While I was doing this I told Marcus he could not hit a blood vessel because we now don't have any extra needles. Side note, by now he has given me tons of shots and no blood vessels have been hit (great job honey). As soon as he was checking for blood I looked back and saw red!!!!! Oh no he hit a blood vessel!!! We now have to start over and clean everything up and use the first needle. It turned out to be a piece of plastic from the cover that was on the needle so I still felt like it was okay to use (I mean it was all we had). Nurses out there don't let me know if we did anything wrong, because it is done and we can't change it now. Marcus said that I jinxed him by telling him not to hit a blood vessel. Tonight will also be interesting because my mom will have to give me my shot (I guess in the back of the car). Don't worry I packed extra needles for tonight. Hopefully we won't look like we are shooting up in the mall parking lot?????? Oh, the stories we have from going through IVF. You have to laugh about them, it's what keeps everything interesting!

I am not going to post the results on Friday, whatever they are. This will give us time to take it all in and talk with our families. Sorry you will all have to wait a little longer to find out.

2WW

Oh, The Two Week Wait (2ww)!!!!! So far, so good and I only have 5 more days to go! I have thought about taking a home pregnancy test, but my doctors office told me with all the meds I am taking it could produce false results (so if I do take one, will I trust the results.....ummm nope). As far as symptoms, I do have some but again the meds are suppose to produce some of these symptoms. I worry each day that goes by and I have a different feeling come on. Is it my body reacting to the drugs, pregnancy, or is my body rejecting this????? All I can do is take each day as it comes with each new ache/pain/discomfort and trust God to carry me through.

Today is my first day back at work! It was weird being off of work for so long. I don't think I have ever missed so much work, even for vacations! I know it sounds weird but it is nice to be back at work. With the Thanksgiving holiday I was able to take it easy for a little longer than the doctor even asked, so that was nice to not have to jump right back into everything just a few days after my transfer. It was nice to have meals cooked for us, dishes washed, clothes clean and put up and so much more (thank you mom and Pam)!!!!! I think I have been spoiled! I still can't lift anything or really do anything other than sit and walk, so I am still a little cautious about what I do. I will let you all know my blood results as soon as I can, please just continue to pray for us.

The single strong one!!!!

A little different outcome than we had expected!!! We went in yesterday for my ET and we both had decided that we were fine with them putting 2 back in. Why not, we would be ecstatic with twins. When we got there one of the doctors came in to talk with us about our embryos. They were all still doing really good with 4 being at the best level they could be at (I guess we make good and strong babies just not the conventional way). He said that his recommendation was to put 1-2 back in, but was still hesitant with 2 because of our risk of multiples and he was not sure my body could handle that. He said for us to talk it over and my RE would come in and talk with us. He said that if they put 2 in, our chance for multiples is 40%. A little later the RE came in and told us that we were only going to put 1 back in. I was a little upset, because we have come this far and we were only putting 1 back in?????? She describe our risk a little more and we signed off on the single transfer. Please pray that this little booger will stick!!!! We are now back at the hotel and I am getting waited on hand and foot and will be coming home on Monday. I hope everyone is doing well and Happy early Thanksgiving!!!!

Wishes of my heart

God knows what He’s doing for each of us. He is the potter, and we are His clay He will mold us and make us, and expose us to just enough pressures of just the right kinds that we may be made into a flawless piece of work to fulfill His good, pleasing and perfect will. He knows the wishes of my heart, my deep desire for a child, a little one to love and care for. I yearn for those long sleepless nights, changing diapers around the clock and I would gladly give up my shoe money for baby supplies.

This is what I have learned through our infertility:
God is in control and is carrying me through each step, my spirit can’t be broken, Marcus and my love has only grown stronger and closer, I have amazing friends and family, I have to be true to myself and I believe in miracles and the power of prayer.

Whatever the results are I still want to continue to grow in my faith and praise God for this experience. I am truly grateful to be able to go through this very extensive and expensive process. I am in awe when I think of how God has provided for us and has carried us each step of the way.

Okay now to the details. They retrieved 9 eggs from me and they were all mature, which is awesome because most of the time you lose some because they aren’t mature. All 9 were able to be fertilized and have divided right on track. We are scheduled for Saturday morning transfer. We have to be in Webster at 7:45 so that will be a very early morning, but very exciting!!!!! We will be coming home on Monday for a very relaxing week.

The choice of persistence is about setting a goal and reaching it, about coming to roadblock and hurdling over them with God guiding you through it, about continuing the journey in spite of life’s speed bumps.

Mobile Blogger We are out

Mobile Blogger
We are out of surgery and back at the hotel and doing great. Minor aches and pains right now. Thanks for all your prayers.
*Lin*

ER Scheduled

We made the trip to Houston early this morning. I had blood work and an ultrasound done and they determined that I can't wait until Tuesday (my regular scheduled ER day). We are scheduled for an ER (Egg Retrieval) on Monday. They advised us at the Houston office that they would prefer us to stay the night after the ER so we will be coming home on Tuesday. Please just continue to pray for us, our families and the doctors as this will be a busy day for all of us.

I am not a chicken.....yet!

This is a picture of my ovaries from this morning (beautiful aren't they). She said that everything is looking good and I am not producing 50 follicles (that would put any chicken to shame), so that is good. She said that my right ovary is still larger than the left (I am sure you already noticed that though, by the pic) :). They are not as worried as they were yesterday about OHSS, but it is still something they are preparing me for. I am now on a protein drink every day and on a pretty bland diet. I also have to start keeping a weight and symptom journal to keep track of everything. We will be traveling back and forth to Houston on Saturday and Sunday morning to have blood work and more ultrasounds done. Oh the exciting times at the Kyler house!!!!! The nurse just called and my E2 levels are good for today, so the reduction in the meds have helped out. It is looking like my surgery will be either Monday or Tuesday, so please pray that everything goes smoothly and I recover fast (no OHSS). This day will be a huge day for us and even more complicated than most IVFers on this day. I am comforted because I know that God is totally in control of this journey.

Update

I just talked with the nurse and they are a little worried about OHSS, because I am so little and my E2 levels are so high. They are putting me on a high protein diet with lots of fluids to help prevent OHSS.

For those of you that don't know what OHSS (Ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome) there would be a fluid shift from the intravascular system to the abdomen. She basically said that the body would become dehydrated because the bodily fluids would be filling up in the abdomen.

I know I am going to a great doctor and there was no way that they could have know that I would respond the way I did. Well, I am going tomorrow for more blood work and an ultrasound. I take three injections each night: Gonal-F, Micro-Ovidrel, and Cetrotide. The Gonal-F and Ovidrel are stimulation drugs and the Cetrotide is to prevent me from ovulating. I am on the smallest dose of Gonal-F that I can take and for tonight I am not taking the Ovidrel. They are doing all they can to keep me under control.

2,261

My E2 level today:
2,261 (a number they like to see at the end)

The nurse hasn't talked with my doctor yet but she just called me to make sure I was taking one of my drugs. I am worried that I am moving too fast!!!! I can't get OHSS until I take a certain drug which will be in a few days and this worries me. I don't want to end up in the hospital and have to cancel this cycle because of this. I am now suppose to start keeping a journal of my weight and symptoms each day. I started having some pain around my ovaries last night at church and my belly started to pooch out. I can no longer eat Mexican food (I am addicted to Mexican food) which will prob make Marcus happy. She told me I needed to be eating vegetables, lean meat and drinking lots of water. Please just pray that my body starts cooperating with the drugs and slows down. I will update a little later when I hear from the doctor.

Happily a pincushion

E2 Levels:
11/10-433
11/11-1000
11/12-1399

They are happy that my levels are slowing down and I am suppose to continue on with the same drug routine. The nurse said that there are some people that they only need to check every other day, but I am not one of those people (Lucky me). I am going to be one of those people that need to be closely monitored. Yes, that means I am going in again tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day (have you caught on yet) to have blood work and/or ultrasounds done. But that’s okay with me, I happily give them my arm to bruise up and wait anxiously to here what my levels are. I know to some of you this might sound weird, but I look forward to sticking myself with three needles each night and turn around and get blood taken each morning. This is just what we have to do and all of this brings us one step closer to our little miracle!!!!

Come on Follies!!!

Well, we don't have to worry about me not reacting to the drugs. Now our problem is I am reacting too well!!!! Yesterday I was told to 1/2 the units of one of my shots, so we did that last night. This morning I had to go in for more blood work and an ultrasound. The nurse said that it was still a little early to see anything on the ultrasound but she did say that my endometrium looked great (it looked like a hamburger to me) and my right ovaries was slightly larger than the left. I don't quite know what all this means, but I guess everything looked good.

The nurse just called me with the results from my blood work this morning and my levels have more than doubled (from 433 to over 1,000). I now have to 1/2 both of my injections that I am taking and add on another injection to the mix tonight. That makes it a total of 3 injections per night!!!! The nurse did say that we need to slow down my estradiol levels to give my follicles a chance to catch up. So come on follies, get to growing!!!!! I also have to go in tomorrow for more blood work. After only two days of blood work, my arms already look horrible so I can only imagine what they are going to look like by the end of this week.

I am not a junkie, just going through IVF!

I started on Friday my stimulation shots and I had to go in today to have some blood work done to check my estradiol levels. The nurse that took my blood said that I am going to look like a junkie by the end of this week, because my arms are going to be so bruised up. Luckily it is cool outside and I can wear long sleeves. The shots are going great, Marcus has even pitched in and given me some of them. I told him he needed to practice on the small needles before he has to give me the big shots. So far the only symptoms I have had are headaches. Saturday I had a migraine, so bad that Tylenol would not help, but I made it through the night. I am trying to make it through the day without taking any medicine at all, but I had to cave in on Saturday.

Well, the nurse just called with my levels and they are kind of high, so I am decreasing the units in one of my medicines. They also want to see me in the morning to do an ultrasound and more blood work (more bruises). They want to be very careful to not overstimulate me. We want to prevent ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome (OHSS). On a positive note, I am responding well to the medicine!!!! I am curious to see what the ultrasound tomorrow shows. I will keep you all updated!!!!

Ready or Not

I have now officially given myself my first shot! The doctors office gives you a period of time that you are suppose to give your shot (between 6:30-9:00) and we thought 8:00pm sounded like a good time for us. So about 7:30 I started cleaning off an area to lay everything out on and to kind of read the instruction over again. This first medicine I had to dissolve a powder by injecting a liquid in the vial, but the instructions emphasised to not create bubbles!!!! Well, right away bubbles started forming and I knew that was not good. So for the next 45 minutes we sat at the dinning room table trying to get rid of the bubbles. Our 8:00 shot time had come and past and by 8:30 we decided that it was good enough and I needed to go ahead and take my shot. By this time I was aggravated and just ready to get it over with, so the actual shot was not that bad. I had to give it right under my belly button and I really did not feel the needle at all, but the medicine going in was a different story. It was so weird, I could feel the medicine spreading all over my abdomen and this morning it feels like I did a lot of crunches throughout the night. Oh the joys of injections!!!! I hope that all the other injections aren't as eventful as this one.

A lot of you are asking when things will be happening, so I decided to give you my calendar of events. Here is just a brief outline of what we are going to be going through the next month:

11/3: Cetrotide injection (eventful bubble problem shot)

11/4-11/6: Wait for Aunt Flo (I think she is already here)

11/7 -11/16: HCG and Gonal-F injections (2 injections per day)

11/18: Estimated Egg Retrieval Day* (Out-patient surgery, hope to come home same day)

11/23: Embryo Transfer* (Probably 2 transfered)

11/24: Bed rest at a near by hotel (Get waited on hand and foot)

11/25: Bed rest (come home from the hotel)

11/27: Thanksgiving Day

12/8: Blood work to see if it took (Hope for a strong BFP)

*Will be done in Webster, TX near NASA

The smell of apple cider

I love fall!!!! I mean what is there not to love? There are so many nostalgic memories during fall for me. The sights and smells are just so great I just want to soak them all in, because I know not before long it will be over. The smell of apple cider, crunch of leaves under my feet, pumpkin patches and hay rides are just a few things I love about fall. I love to cuddle up on the couch with a hot cup of cider and watch an old holiday movie with Marcus. I love Thanksgiving because it's a time when families can gets together, eat and catch up with everything going on in our lives. I love waking up on Thanksgiving morning and flipping from one parade to another. I might not be able to do much this Thanksgiving, but it will for sure be one I will always remember!!! I am hoping by Thanksgiving I will be nurturing two little babies inside me!!!! I figured it was time I posted something other than the technical side of IVF; there will be plenty of that to come in the next few weeks. Here's to fall!!!!

God IS in Control!

On my way to get my massage yesterday the RE called me. Up until this point I have been talking with the nurse and relaying the information through her, so it was nice to be able to talk directly to my doctor and tell her my concerns. She started off the conversation by apologizing for the mix up and that she had forgot that we had already seen the doctor they wanted us to go to. I think she had a consult with this doctor and he made her realize that we can't go to him and that we are doing all that we can do. She assured me that everything is going to work out and I can continue on with my meds. I am going tomorrow for a few tests and to sign the final paperwork, so everything will be official!

I know there are going to be times when it seems like everything is out of control and I have to keep reminding myself that I am not in control, God is. This is very hard for me and I know this is a major part of me that God is working on. God has revealed so many things to me throughout this journey. At the Coffee House this Sunday Marcus made a statement that if God would show us the entire picture right from the beginning we most likely would not follow that path. If I knew from the beginning what I was going to have to go through these past two years to get to where I am now, I am pretty sure I would have said "no thank you". But He doesn't do this, He gently guides us through each step of our lives comforting us and hopefully we grow and become closer to him along the way.

A praise for today: Marcus went to the doctor today to get his results from the CT Scan and everything came back clear!!!! The tumor has not come back! I know he is relieved to have this past him.

Still all messed up!

The doctor situation is still all messed up!!!! I talked with someone at my RE office this morning and they have decided that we need to see this new doctor, that I guess they had forgot we had already seen back in August and he told us that he could not help us. He told us to stay with the doctor that we are already seeing. They thought they had everything figured out and it just makes me furious because I don't know how many times we have told them this is the only way we can do this. This is the only doctor we can use!!!! Please continue to pray for this situation!!! I am so upset right now, and hoping that this will not change my cycle. I just pray that I can get it all worked out today and everyone is comfortable doing what we want them to do. I don't need this stress! It's a good thing I am getting a massage today!

Why can't they all just get along?

I have a prayer request. Everything is still going pretty good, but I kind of had a hard day yesterday. There are a lot of things that I am having to get done and people to follow up with to make sure everything is getting done on time. On top of that Marcus left Sunday for Pittsburgh and will be back on Friday, so it has been very quiet at our house this week. Zoe and I are hanging in there, only one more night by ourselves. Okay to my prayer request, someone from my RE (reproductive endocrinologist) office called yesterday to make sure that I could be reached on my cell phone because my doctor wanted to talk something over with me. So I sat around the house waiting for the call trying to figure out what it could be???? Is my blood work showing something, is Marcus' blood work showing something, is it my calendar, or is it the problem with the doctors working together????? I waited till around 6:30 and then decided to go to church and just have my phone where I could feel it vibrate. She never called, so I figured that it was not anything that major. I got a call from her office in Houston this morning and finally found out what she wanted to talk to me about. It is the two doctors working together, well actually it is the embryologist working with our other doctor. We knew that they didn't like each other, but these doctors are our only chance of us getting a BFP (Big Fat Positive). I still don't know what they have worked out because my RE is the one that has to tell me. Please just pray that they will put aside their problems with each other and make this process go smoothly!

I would die for that

This is for all the husband's and wife's that are dealing with infertility. This week is National Infertility Awareness Week. I read a quote today "to get through the hardest journey we need to take only one step at a time, but we must keep on stepping!" Here's to one step at a time until we get our little miracle!

So far, so good!

It is a good thing that needles and blood don't bother me!!!! About a week ago I had to go and have some blood work done and going in I figured it would be quite a lot, but I didn't realize it would be 11 vials! It was so much that half way through she had to switch to my other arm. Then again today they needed more blood to get my baseline levels. But so far so good, my calendar stayed the same, yippee!!!! I also have all my meds organized, which makes me feel better. I am a very, very detailed person and I like everything to be organized. All day today I have been checking items off my list of things I have to get done before next Wednesday. That is when my next major doctors appointment will be. I will have to pass some more tests to be able to continue on with this cycle. Pray everything will look good and that the drugs are doing what they are suppose to be doing!

I know last week I wanted to start to be able to begin my cycle and now I need Aunt Flo to go away. I have a gyno appointment tomorrow that I have to go to, to again meet a deadline for my Reproductive Endocrinologist. She is very demanding of my body to do certain things at specific times! I started on birth control today and I am hoping that will make me stop by tomorrow afternoon. Hopefully I will be able to get everything done tomorrow to check another thing off my list.

Another blessing along this crazy journey! I have already had to miss a lot of work up to this point and I don't think every employer would put up with all these days off. It's also just the beginning of the cycle. When I get further along in my cycle, there is a possibility that I will have to go to the doctor everyday to get checked out. The blessing is I work for a family business and my dad is my boss! I don't know what I would do if I had any other job???? It seems like Marcus and I both are in the perfect job at the perfect time! This is another example if God guiding us through this journey! I know there will be more blessings along this journey and I just want to continue my Song of Praise and thank God for what he is doing in our life!

Aunt Flo has made her arrival!

Aunt Flo has made her arrival!!!! I have an appointment on Monday to get my baseline blood work done. Also at this appointment I have to bring all my meds to have them organized. I for sure don't want to take the wrong shot on the wrong day. I am still a little worried about all the shots I have to take. I have grown up having my blood taken a lot so needles don't bother me, but I have never had to stick myself with a needle. I am sure after the first few it will get easier, or I might be calling Jennifer Douga to come and give me my shots (Jennifer if you are reading this, be ready for my call). My mom and Marcus both went to injection training with me, so they both should be able to help me out. During the class we were able to practice and my mom seemed a little nervous about it and the nurse kept telling her that she was doing it to slow and that would hurt me. Marcus on the other hand bent the needle (maybe a little too hard) and he was never good growing up with needles and blood?????? I know y'all are wondering about my calendar and is it still going to work????? I have counted out the days and from what I come up with I think it is not going to change, but I will find out on Monday.

Marcus and I are truly thankful and I don't even know where to begin with all the blessings we have experienced along this journey. The meds alone for this treatment usually cost a fortune, but we have been blessed and they are only going to cost us a third of the price. My doctor is also giving us (yes I said givng us, as in free!!) one of the most expensive drugs, because our insurance isn't covering any of our drugs or treatment. The treatment cost, where do I begin????? That alone is a huge blessing, it will not be as hard on us as we initially thought. I am just so thankful for the many blessing along this crazy journey!!!!

Please come now!

I am waiting as patiently as I can for Aunt Flo (as Jessica put it). I still haven't started and yesterday at the doctor she said that I have until Wednesday or maybe Thursday to start to keep with the calendar I have. I think I got myself all worked up with everything beginning so soon that I have thrown my body off a tad bit. Anyone have any suggestion of things to do to bring this on????? I never thought that I would be praying for my period to start but I am now! Sorry for such a personal post!

Freaked out, scared, but very Excited, Happy, Giddy, Eager, Thrilled, & Energized!!!

I am very excited to finally post some progress. Our doctor’s appointment on Wednesday went really well. We went to see my reproductive endocrinologist to have a consultation with her and just talk some things through, or so we thought. We had no idea that we would walk out of there with the plans she gave us. We figured that it would be after the holidays before we got started on everything, but for some reason everything just fell into place at our appointment. My cycle lines up perfectly with everything that has to happen. I can see God at work in this entire process!!!! The doctor that has to do the surgery will only be available for a few days at the first of November and third week of November and guess when we need him….the third week. I don’t think that we could have planned this any better if we tried. After we realized that everything really is going to happen, those of you that know me probably know that I went into freak out mode. I am a very detailed person and I started making lists of things that I have to get done. Luckily all the main things I had to do seem to also fall into place. I think Marcus and I are still a little shocked that we are finally moving forward after 2 years, but are very excited!!!! Those of you that don’t know, we are having to do IVF (ok I let out some details that I said I wouldn’t). This is going to be a very exciting process for us and also a very emotional six weeks for me. I am going to go ahead and ask for forgiveness in case I act a little crazy during this time, I will just blame it on the drugs that I will be shooting in my body everyday. If everything continues to workout, we are looking at a Thanksgiving transfer!!!! This will be a very memorable Thanksgiving for us. Please continue to pray for everything to work out and to continue falling into place.

When will it begin?

I just wanted to thank all of you for praying for Marcus and I. I truly believe that your prayers are what carry us through each day of this journey. Our appointment last Friday went really well with Dr. L. He thought that our new plan of action was a good way to go and the best option for us at this point. The only thing that he suggested was that we wait until after the holidays to start with everything, because right now we are getting really close to the craziness of the holidays. I guess that is just another thing to think about and decide what we are comfortable with. We are going tomorrow to talk with another one of our main doctors, Dr. S, and I guess we will get her input as to what start date she is comfortable with. I am very excited about our appointment tomorrow!!!!! We now only have two main doctors, Dr. L and Dr. S and they have to coordinate everything together. These two doctors don't usually work together and I am not sure if they have a very good track record together. I just pray that they will set aside their smugness and have a little humility with each other. They are our only and best option at this point of the process.

I am trying very hard lately to work on my positive outlook and to reduce my stress level because I know that is the best thing for me to do at this point to give us a positive pregnancy result. So if any of you have any suggestion of relaxation techniques I am open to trying whatever will help!!!! I don't feel stressed out but I know deep down I am letting it bother me because I have never had a problem with acne but lately I have had a problem with breakouts and I know it is because of stress. I know I need to get back to yoga but I just can't seem to find the time.

On another note, Marcus is due for his first yearly check up to make sure the tumor that he had hasn't come back. The doctor told us that the type of tumor he had, had a high percentage of coming back. So every year he is going to have to have a CT Scan to check everything out. He has an appointment at the end of the month for all of this. Please just pray for him, because I know this is not easy to go through.

Tomorrow!!!!!!!

Dr. L is sooooo hard to get in to so when I called last week the first appointment we could get was November 14th. I am so tired of waiting for appointments to come around and this would just put us waiting another month and another month behind. This is the doctor that will be performing the surgery at some point in time so we really wanted to talk to him one more time to make sure we are all on the same page. The past two days I have been trying to get in touch with his nurse to see if there is any way that we could get in any earlier but we kept missing each other. I just called and she answered her phone which is the first amazing thing and she ask me if we could come in TOMORROW at 11:00!!!!!!!! I am so excited, y'all just don't know how perfect this is!!!!!!! I just pray that our appointment tomorrow goes well and everything will work out the way we have planned. Hopefully things are about to start happening and the waiting is over!!!!!

Emotional Leap of Faith

I am home now and trying to get back to normal. It was sooooo nice to see my husband after 10 days away. I know this might sound crazy to some of you, but it was great to be home and get to clean my house, clean up my yard and just do normal everyday things. I dreaded going to the store though, but I had to go so we could have some home cooked meals. One night Marcus and I faced the craziness together. To my surprise it was not bad, so maybe our plan of going late at night worked out. We now have food and a clean house and are finally able to relax and try and get back on track with our plans.

Our infertility plan of action has changed many times. We decided to go forward with the surgery, so when I got back from my hurrication I scheduled the surgery, but then after talking some things over with Dr. L we decided to put off the surgery and go in a different direction. We are going next Wednesday (October 8th) to talk to one of our doctors to talk through this new plan of action and ask some more questions. These have been the hardest decisions we have ever had to make in our life and Marcus and I just want to do what is best in our situation. Please just pray for our peace of mind that we are making the right decisions along this journey.

I have tried to not get down or have bitterness during this time, but some days are just better than others. One day when I was struggling with these emotions my devotional said "whenever you are feeling discouraged make sure you are giving thanks for something in your life and discouragement will leave you." So, when these feelings creep up on me I just remember the many, many blessings God has given me and I know that one day it will be our day to have a child. Until this day comes, God is sculpting Marcus and I to be great parents. This book I am reading describes this time in a couples life as "an emotional leap of faith, a time of truth when a couple is challenged in ways that they might not have imagined possible." I could have never imagined that Marcus and I would be going through these struggles, but some how we have made it through one obstacle at a time with our love for one another growing more and more with each obstacle we face.

10 days!!!!!

I am now in Round Rock and have been here for awhile now. I am ready to be home, I have not seen Marcus in 10 days!!!!! We are planning on heading back home tomorrow, so hopefully everything works out and we can make it home. I am with family here in Round Rock and as of this morning only 2 of us have power (I am one of the two). Zoe has been doing really good and getting spoiled sleeping with me in the bed. I think every day we go to the dog park for her to run around and get some energy out!!! Did I mention that I miss Marcus????? It has been difficult being here without Marcus, but thankfully I have family to keep me occupied. 

I do have some family that had pretty major damaged to their homes. Please pray for them (Alex and Chris), because the past few days they have been trying to save some things, but I don't think there was much to save. They will be without a house for some months to come and I know that will be very hard for them. 

On positive note: Hopefully I get to go home tomorrow and see my husband!!!! Have I mentioned that I miss him????? Hopefully it won't be long before we can all get together and share our Hurrication stories.

Many, LA

I hope everyone is doing okay and y'alls homes are okay. I am in Many, LA at a resort on Toledo Bend. It is really pretty here, but there is not anything to do around here. Yesterday morning we lost electricity here and it was off all day long until late last night. We thought we were evacuating so we would not have to deal with power outages, but Ike found us here in Many. It was soooo hot all day long. I thought it would not be bad because I have been camping alot but this was much worse because when you are camping there is a breeze, not so inside a hotel room. I also didn't like going back to a pitch black hotel room by myself. Marcus stayed at the hospital to help out with the needs there. So once again Zoe and I evacuated without Marcus. I am proud of him for staying and helping them out, but I miss him!!!!!!

We are trying to find somewhere else to go, because it is very boring here and if we are going to be stuck somewhere for weeks we need to find something to do. We have rooms in Round Rock, so we will probably end up there. My dad, brother-in-law and uncle went back today to clean out refrigerators and check on every one's homes. Poor guys, that is a very dirty job to do. So far no one here has any major damages, which we all are very lucky!!!!

I miss you all so much and hope y'all are all having fun on your Hurrication!!!! Hopefully it won't be long before we are all back together in Mid County. Love you all!!!!!

I will try and update my blog and let you all know where I go next.

Cardboard Testimonies

This is an awesome video!!! It is kind of long, but well worth watching!!!!

Where does the time go?

I know I have not posted in awhile and I really don't know what I have been doing???? Where does the time go???? Well, this is what I can remember that has happened since last post.

Hurricane Gustav:

Marcus and I were going to evacuate, then we were going to stay, then I decide to evacuate by myself (with my sister and her husband) because we had hotel rooms that we could not cancel. Marcus could not come because he had to work Tuesday morning. So, Zoe and I left for Round Rock at 5:30 am Monday morning (Zoe slept the entire time). This was the first trip with Zoe on a long distance car ride and hotel stay and I can say that she was really good. I have family in Round Rock so we went to their house when we got there and Zoe was able to play with their Labs, along with the many other types of dogs there. I think there were a total of 8 dogs and 1 cat at their house plus people (good thing they have a big house)!!!! Tuesday was Zoe's 3rd birthday (I know those of you that don't have animals or like animals think I am weird, but oh well) so we went to a nice dog park in the area and to Petsmart afterwards to get a treat. You also have to realize I don't have a child, so I guess that is why I do this with Zoe. Then back home Wednesday morning. I did get a souvenir to remember Gustav by on the way home....a huge crack in my windshield of my car!!!! I called for someone to fix it and the guy said that it was too bad to fix, so I guess I have to get use to it.

Canoe Trip:

This past Saturday I went on a canoe trip with Marcus's family. Here are some pictures from that trip. We had a great time!!!!Someone (I won't mention any names) forgot to pack our lunch and all we had was bread and Pringles...so we had chip sandwiches!!!! Take one piece of bread, pile on whatever flavor Pringles you want, then top it with another piece of bread...chip sandwich, very nutritious!
Now Ike:

Thankfully it is looking better for us, but I am never completely comfortable until it gets closer. I don't want to pack everything back up and leave. I would most likely be driving by myself again, which is not fun, because Marcus might stay and work at the hospital. If this does happen please pray that I get to feeling better because I am only going on 4 hours of sleep right now. I started getting sick last night and was not able to sleep. I am also working 9 hour days and I can't miss work, so hopefully I get better.

Infertility Update:

Because of all these Hurricanes and some other things going on, the surgery might get put off a little longer than we want, but we have to just keep moving in the direction God is leading us and have patience.

Linus is her hero!

I figured it was time to show off our quirky dog and her "security blanket"!!! We have bought her many different types of toys, but the blanket remains top on her list. She now has a total of three blankets, but the pink one is her favorite. She follows us around the house dragging this blanket behind her. Anytime she gets really excited she runs to find her blanket and will bring it to you to play with.

Step One: Moving Forward

We went and saw Dr. L on Monday, August 18th, and I can say that it was a good appointment. Since Dr. L is so "important" he has a group of doctors that he calls his fellows and we see a fellow first, then we get to talk to Dr. L. I think these fellows are doing a type of residency under Dr. L. I have learned the routine of these appointments since we have been so many times, so as soon as one of his fellows came in I made sure I ask all my questions (Dr. L is very quick and to the point when he comes in). I was able to get my questions asked and get some comforting words about the outcome of the surgery. The surgery will come sooner than we expected. We are planning on it happening within the next month if everything works out. This is the first of many important steps that we will have to take along this journey. It is kind of exciting, but also very scary that everything is starting to happen. We really need good results from this surgery to be able to move forward with the next step, so this is a very important step of our journey. When we find out when the surgery will be I will let you know. Until then please keep praying for our little miracle and our strength to endure this journey.

I know I have not given out any of the details of our specific situation, because they are very personal to us. I will probably never post details of the surgery or any other procedure that we will have. I started this blog because we need your prayers for comfort, strength, patience, acceptance, endurance and joy. We are truly blessed to have such great families and church friends that have helped us make it through each step of this journey, thanks for your many prayers!

"Each and everyone one of us is going through tough times right now, but God is getting ready to bless you in a way that only He can. Keep the faith." Unknown

Waiting is HARD

Update on the infertility side of things:
There are several doctor appointments that we have scheduled and are just waiting until the appointment day comes around. On Monday one of those long and anticipated appointments came around. We went and talked with a new doctor (I will call him Dr. B) in the Clearlake area and at this appointment we were able to get another doctor's point of view on where we stand and what we will have to do. I can say that I was hoping that we would be able to change to Dr. B for our main doctor, but that wasn't the case.

We both really liked him alot and respected his evaluations. It was kind of funny, as soon as he walks in he starts with Nederland jokes, which catches me off guard. Then he finds out that a Port Neches girl married a Nederland guy and even more jokes start. Dr. B was from Port Arthur!!! We went to him because we were strongly encouraged to at least go and talk with this "great" doctor that graduated med school from Harvard and did his residency at Duke, so he came with great credentials. He was very easy to talk to and ask questions, which I have found can be difficult when dealing with specialized "experts". The good news about this appointment was I was able to get some of my questions answered and have a clearer idea on some things that we have been told.

The bad news, because of our rare situation, there will have to be a very laborious and extensive surgery required for us to have a baby. Dr. B doesn't do this surgery and pretty much told us that he could try another surgery but he would just be taking our money from us because it wouldn't work. Wow, he has morals and was very honest with us. There are only a handful of doctors in the Nation that do this surgery. On the bright side, one of the doctors that we have been seeing for months does this surgery (I will call him Dr. L) and is the pioneer at this surgery. The other doctors in the nation that do this surgery were taught by Dr. L. So we are going to the best doctor in the nation for our specific situation!!! I am sure you can imagine how Dr. L acts though....he knows he is the best in the nation and can be very hard to talk to, ask questions and even get an appointment to see him. He is one of the reason why this journey has taken so long.

On next Monday we are going to talk with Dr. L again and get some test results back and more details to the surgery. I don't want to put Dr. L down in any way because I am in awe when I think about the medical advances that he has made in infertility. It is amazing what doctors know these days and I am thankful for this. There is always a possibility that this surgery will not help us in our journey and our next journey will begin with our journey to adopt, but I am not ready to give up hope just yet. I still believe that a miracle can happen.

I get daily devotional email every day and this was part of one of them: "On the surface of your grief, it feels like you're pleading with God, raising your voice in order to get his attention. But he's long been aware of your need. Before your heart has a chance to break, his has already gone out to you. Before your tears have begun their bitter journey, he has wept over you. Though you may not notice him, he's already there. Sitting right beside you. Giving you all you need." This helps me to focus on, God is in control, He knows my every need even before I know there is a need there and He is there comforting me along this journey.

"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
Corinthians 4:17-18

All Clear

I don't have that much time to type everything that is going on in my life right now, so I figured I would let y'all know the results from the mole I had removed. It came back all clear!!!! I wasn't too worried, but there is always that small part of me that gets a little worried every time I have to have something removed. Just keeping you up to date on the small things and when I have more time I will update on the big things that are going on.

Pale is the new Tan

I vent about this all the time to my family, but I figured I would vent on my blog about it. Don't go to the tanning bed!!! In high school I started going tanning for special occasions and then I started going more often because I liked being tan. I kept tanning until I noticed quite a few freckles...moles that really looked weird, so I went to the dermatologist to have them look at. At that appointment I had 6 spots removed and almost all of them had precancerous cells in them. Since then I have had many more removed and many scars to show for it. I was told that going to the tanning bed is what has caused all these spots on my skin. (I had a long lecture from the dermatologist) I do have a family history of melanoma, but my lifestyle of going to the tanning bed has brought out those cells in my body even worse. The UV light in the tanning bed was much more intense than if I would have just laid outside with sunscreen on. I am writing about this because I had to go to the dermatologist yesterday for my 3 month check-up and she removed yet another spot on my back (hopefully everything comes back clear!!!) I don't want anyone to have to go through all this if it is something that can be stopped by simply just staying away from tanning beds. I did get some good news though at my doctors appointment, I now only have to go every 6 months instead of every 3 months, Yea!!!!

Our Vacation

Here are a few pictures from our vacation this year at an all-inclusive resort in Mexico. Best vacation ever for relaxation!!!!! Our Swim-up Suites (best rooms ever!)

Yes, they had Guitar Hero in Mexico!

Speed Chess (only 2 secs per move)

Of course the guys had to go play golf
(We went to the spa on this day)

Our favorite spot!

Song of Praise

Well, I guess I will start at the beginning. We were set up by a mutual friend that as soon as she met Marcus she thought of me. What a great friend to set me up with such a wonderful guy! We started dating in April of 1997. We had not been dating for long when we both knew that we wanted to get married, we just had to wait. And waiting is what we did...a total of 7 years (that is what happens when you meet your soul mate in 10th grade). We both had our own plans and own goals and those soon merged and became one. We knew that we wanted to wait until one of us was out of college to get married. So, after Marcus graduated I knew it was coming, just not when or how???? He was very smooth to pull everything off. One day he asked if I wanted to go have lunch with him. What I didn't realize, it was a picnic lunch at the park. Even after we pull up at the park and he had a blanket for us to sit on, I still didn't snap to anything. We were married in June of 2004. I am truly blessed to have such a great husband that makes me laugh. We have had a great 4 years of marriage and I can't wait for what's to come!!!!!

Now back to those plans and goals. My personal goal was that I wanted to start a family when I was around 25. Don't ask me why, just sounded like a good age to me????? So shortly before my 25th birthday we decided to start trying for a family. Little did we know that it would be a little more difficult for us. In July 2007 on a Friday we got news that no one ever wants to get. There was a 90% chance that a tumor Marcus had was cancer. 90%, that is the percentage that we were told!!!! We had a trip to the beach planned for that weekend and decided to still go, it would be better to go rather than sit around the house and cry (that is how I handled the news). The hard thing was no one knew about our news just yet, so we had to act like nothing was wrong the entire weekend. After tons of bloodwork and more waiting (a little over a month) he had the surgery to find out if it was cancer. It was BENIGN!!!!! By everything that the doctor was telling us, we were ready to fight cancer. This was a huge blessing, no cancer, no radiation, nothing at all!!!! So now back to what we were doing before this huge detour. As each month went by we realized that this journey might be longer than we expected. After some time went by we decided that we might need to go and talk with a specialist. After many doctors and doctor appointments later we are still in the information gathering stage.

If you can remember early I said that I had my goals and my plans. That was my problem, they were not Gods goals and plans for my life. He knows what is best for my life and having a baby at 25...26... was not in His plans. "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11 I can honestly say that through this journey God has given me a peace that I can not explain. I just want to continue my Song of Praise and thank God for what He is doing in our life along this journey!